Hopscotch Paths

We are building a patio. Well, I guess not we, but we are getting on soon... and I can't wait. Here are some pretty things that are inspiring me as of late. Take particular note of the stepping stones in the grass. They remind me of my grandfather's backyard. He had a patio with 6 square blocks set in the grass, 2 side by side in 3 rows, and my sister and I used to play hopscotch on them. Great memory! Enjoy.

Sicilian Things

I am frequently looking for lovely things for my kitchen. Isn't it weird, I actually have a kitchen now. I made the sicilian olive plaque in the middle, i didn't buy it, but I haven't hung it up. I'm getting some gruff from my non sicilian counterpart. :)

About Me

I'm lost and not knowing
Scar'd up
But still flowing
Energized and still going.
-Tupac Shakur, Heartz of Men

There was a time several years back that I found great comfort in Tupac's songs. They say you seek out what you need at that time to comfort you. It was a time of confusion, anger and I guess, loneliness. I felt very alone in the world. I felt that my problems weren't shared by anyone, and I felt that at any minute I could break apart. Those are often the times I look to God as well.

I sit here in a place I've never sat and write a blog something I thought I would never do, but it actually comforts me. I always have a written journal, but this is nice too. I am scared and lonely. I don't have much reason to be lonely, but this is a major transition in my life, and I guess I putting myself in my shell and hiding under my critter cave, like Grazia does, to protect myself. And they more I back up, the more I am alone.

I feel like I could cry right now. Cry for the journey I took almost a year ago, that led me to the same sad state of affairs. I could cry for the pain I endured for nothing. I could cry for the money I spent on nothing. I could cry, and then I would be just washed up and depressed. So at least right now, I have the option of tears, after that I will be completely desolate, and depressed. I know, I've been here before. What I don't know is if I can ever come out of it.

Give It As Good As You Get It?

Do you?

I'm sick of it. I give and give and give. Maybe people just think it's an endless amount of supply on my end -but it's not. I'm done. I'm through. I'd like to think I'm on my way of becoming a gracious hostess, the kind that makes guests feel at ease. I try to offer a plethora of foods and drinks for my guests and clean up around the house when they come over. I don't mind if they get loud or even an occasional spill. But it gets rough when I'm the one who goes around and picks up their beer bottles, their almost full water bottles and half drunk cans of pops after each visit.

Is it too much to ask that you throw out your garbage? That you finish your beverages? Or pour the rest down the god damn drain? I think not.

Those that upset me will remain nameless. Just let it be known that I have never and will never spill my drink in your basket, and then shrug it off.

I'm In Bombay, and I'm Not Coming Back

I love bombay. Here are some things to check out.

Hello & Welcome To...

I love Giada De Laurentiis. I wish I could cook like her. But I do, when I'm alone, in my own world and my own kitchen, I close my eyes and pretend... I talk to my audience and savor the first bite of my new dish. ummm mmmm good.

Do You Ever Wonder

Do you ever wonder why you were created such as you are? Why your box isn't as big as others is? Why your world is small but your imagination is great? Why you see pretty things and want them even though there is so much waste in the world? Why you can't loose half of your ass at one step class? Why your creativity seems stunted some days, and pouring out all over the place on other days? Why people take shots at you, why they make snotty comments, and why you can't punch them in the face? Do you ever wonder why you are you, the great, obnoxious, passionate, tired, meticulous person?

I saw some things that inspired me lately, like this one person's blog, she was so much more creative then me. This girl in the House and Garden article. I bet she uses her china, Janice.

I'll Buy Them Towels... They Will Never Use The China

Those were the words of a person, whom I'll call Janice. "Let them eat cake".

She informed my future mother-in-law, she would not buy us any of our china that I soooo PAINSTAKINGLY, and let me emphasise that with a list of witnesses if need be, selected. I mean nights of worry here people! But never the less, (insert snoody voice) she will not be purchasing me any of that because I obviously do not know what to do with it. And no matter how many times I told her I would use it (I mean it can go in the dishwasher), she still will "buy me towels". The most practical of gifts.

I will be one of "those people". You know the ones, those "silly little girls" that register for tons of things that they will never fit in their "tiny little homes" and who want 129.00 china and have (gasp) no dinning room table to put it on! Janice loathes those poor pathetic chits "who think they know, but have no idea."

True, I have no dinning room table or buffet or china cabinet. But I do have taste, and I WILL use it. I mean I can't promise everyday, but trust me. Have a little faith Janice. I didn't fall of the back of a pick up truck yesterday, obviously you do not know where I com from. Perhaps my beginnings were meager, but alas, I have risen. Just ask Vera, you know, Wang.

Creme rises to the top, does it not?

The Things That Can Be Changed, That Aren't.

First up, the mat my office chair rolls on. Its broken and cracked, its like going over rail road tracks everytime I attempt to push in my chair. How much would it cost to fix this, I ask, $50.00 or so. COME ON PEOPLE. Help me out.

Secondly, how come people can't shut their own computers down when they leave? I think they think some magic geanie comes and does it every night or something. I am sick of it. Same goes for dumping your own garbage pail. What the fuck!?

Steve, can't u put your god damn dishes in the dishwasher? Again, I think he thinks a little geanie comes and does it. Its annoying and if i have to live with this for the rest of my life, I will scream. I see why my mother is the way she is now...

These fucking envelopes.

People that move suddenly and don't tell anyone. Forwarding doesn't always work people! They change their telephone numbers, and email addresses and poof- are off. I guess I'm too much of a rooted person to move like that. Why wouldn't you want to tell anyone...or maybe they just don't tell me. ha ha

Grazia is a turtle. She is not a dog or a cat. Don't "pet" her, "play" with her or pick her up contstatly. She doesn't really like you people. She ONLY likes Me!

No Diva, Stop Chewing My Shoes!

A Wedding Gift

Getting married has its perks.

1. The Gift Registry: You go to a store that you like, sign up for the gift registry. Listen to an obnoxious person drown on and on about how you NEED crystal goblets, when you really don't. This person shows you china patterns on colored place mats (cause don't you know they look sooo different, and then finaly you pick one. All the while just thinking, "GIVE ME THE SCANNER DAMN IT!" -and then it happens, you get the almighty scanner, to scan any fucking thing you may want or need in the whole store for someone else to buy you. Its the greatest feeling on earth, until...your fiancee wants to do it... ugh. -disapointment

2. "CONGRATULATIONS": Everyone congratulates you. Even people you've never met before. Like you won a pulitzer prize or something. Like you did something to deserve this amazing person to love you for the rest of your life. At first it is all very sweet, and then as you work your way through the wedding planning process, you begin to feel its almost being said as an inside joke. Like, "ha ha, enjoy the fees and stress associated with this". Wasn't it just 2 weeks earlier that these same people were telling "never get married, promise me that."? hmmmm. -confused

3. Gifts: Everyone loves to get a present, and as you check your gift registry online you get to see which one of your amazing picks have been approved by those you know. You feel validated that you arent' some crazy chick scanning tea pots for nothing -Other people appove. -yeah

4. Random Acts of Kindness: The printer that my father has used for years, who writes my name as GEENA -eeerrrr, wanted to give me my invitation inserts as a wedding gift. Very nice, now if she could just figure out my name is Genna not GEENA....

You Might Have Some Advice To Give On How To Be Insensitive.

Oh you probably won't remember me

It's probably ancient history

I'm one of the chosen few

Who went ahead and fell for you

I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch

I Fell too fast, I feel too much

I thought that you might have some advice to give on

How to be insensitive

-Jane Arden -Insensitive Lyrics

I don't want to name names. Not that anyone reads these posts, but I just can't write them down. When God brings enormous grief on a person, a family, how does one muddle through? You take it as God's Will. But what happens when God makes a person make a choice that isn't natural to make. A choice that isn't "right". What does one do? How do you live 1st with the grief and then with the decision you've made? I just don't know.

I guess God has a plan, and it isn't for me to analyze, but someone I know is in pain, deep true pain, and I can't help or reach them. The one that can is far away, off in never-never land, and doesn't seem to understand the enormity of the situation. Of what she faces. Which is fine, everyone grieves in their own way. But don't take away someone else's process. Don't infringe on their grieving rights. Don't throw a party, while someone is crying. Don't be so fucking insensitive.

If you don't care about her, you should still care about the other little one. The one that needs you. The one that doesn't know you -yet. Frankly, I'm glad that he will never learn how insensitive you really are. I'm glad that he will never have to know how, you let them down, let them cry alone on the bedroom floor. How you big you let them down in their time of need, in their time of grief. I'm glad that he will never have to know the man that didn't think twice about them when the Ohio State game was on. Truly, they both deserve better.

How do you numb your skin, after the warmest touch?

How do you slow your blood, after the body rush?

How do you free your soul, after you've found a friend?

How do you teach your heart it's a crime to fall in love again?

-Jane Arden -Insensitive Lyrics