What I Would Say

If I had a big body guard behind me.

First up I would tell off some of my husbands friends. I wouldn't just tell them off, I would tell them everything I don't like about them, and then make fun of their clothes, their cars, their jobs and finally I would lay into them about everything they have ever said to or about me. Then, when they got in my face pointing their finger, screaming and all, I'd snap my fingers and my big body guard would appear.

Secondly, as I drove to and from work, to and from shopping etc. I would yell out the window at every single obnoxious person on the road. I mean I would yell and swear and then when they looked over at me, my big body guard would lean into view and they'd drive off.

Thirdly, I would take him shopping with me. He could carry my bags, and push other shoppers aside saying "coming through" "make room" "move away folks", "nothing to see here" and "give us some room". And then I could yell at the other people, and they couldn't do a damn thing about it.

Fourthly, my big body guard could come with me when I walk my dog. He could block the wind and the rain. He could use the pooper~scooper or better yet, as neighbors stared out the window while my little Sofie squats out a big poopie, he could just give them a smile and a nod, letting them know what's up.

I have wanted a big body guard for sometime now, how nice it would be if Santa brought me one for Christmas. ~he he he.