Frenemy

Steve asks me all the time why I still talk to HER. All of these thoughts have run though my head but I didn't know how to articulate them to him. So this is why SHE is still my friend, or at least until our argument, she was.

Frenemy-So why do women put up with fair-weather friends? The reason is simple: If a woman has invested a lot in the relationship, she is likely to work to salvage the relationship, despite the rocky moments, says Jan Yager, a relationship coach in Stamford, Connecticut

Ask yourself this question right after you have spent some time with someone:"Do I feel better or worse than I did before?"
The reasons can be varied but probably some if not all of the following emotions are coming into play. Once you’re aware of why you might be hanging on to destructive relationships, it can be easier to finally let them go.
1. You Want to Help
It's human nature to want to help people whenever you can. There's a fine line between helping and being a co-dependent for someone. For example, if you have a friend who just calls to tell you how bad her life is and never wants to hear how things are going in your life, this is most likely a draining and unhealthy friendship for you. You may also start to resent that they never have time to listen to you. And even though you want to help, you’re not because you’re only giving them attention for their negative attitude. If you are able to provide them with constructive steps which they listen to and do attempt to change their situation, then you should feel better after talking to them. You have helped them. If you’re just listening mindlessly to the same thing over and over, you’re not helping and you’re bringing your own mental attitude down. Be aware of whether you're helping or enabling someone.

2. You Want To Feel Needed
Everyone wants to feel like they provide value to the world. If we are there for our friends, it makes us feel like we’re valuable. After all, they need us, right? But as in the above post, we may not be doing a lot of good. And if that feeling of being needed is dragging down our positive mindset, then it’s a problem.
It was a hard lesson to realize I’d been used by someone who I thought was my friend. There's a fine line between being helpful and being used. And, when the situation is that you've been taken advantage of, it's far more damaging to your self confidence than any feelings of being helpful you could have had.
That's why it's important to pull the plug on any unhealthy friendships where you are just being used for what you can provide whether that's material objects, your time, or even just a listening ear. You deserve a relationship in which both give and take occur. If that's not happening then it may be time to move on.

3. You’re Afraid You Won’t Have Other Friends And You’ll Be Alone
It is better to be alone than to spend time with someone who is destructive to your self esteem. Unhealthy friendships can do enormous damage to your confidence levels without you even realizing it. Don't worry though. Once you dump the negative friends, you'll find your own attitude changes to be more positive and you won't be alone for long because you'll now be attracting upbeat people into your life. Once you attract those people who are sincere in their desire to bring out the best in you, you'll keep attracting even more friends. True friends who will be there for you, no matter what.

4. Regret
You worry that you might regret your decision to move on. Once you dump unhealthy friendships, you can't get them back, right? Maybe things will change and you'd regret dumping that friend. You just don't know. All you know is, you don't want to do something that you might regret later. Ever have these thoughts? Being protective of your own mental attitude and even your time, is not something to have regrets over. If you think about it, you'll probably regret that you didn't get rid of the unhealthy friendships sooner. By losing the negative, you then open yourself up to allow the positive to enter your life.

5. Desire To Be Liked
Did you know it's a fact that cults who want to recruit members play on this desire? They know it's human nature that you want people to like you so you’ll do whatever it takes to get someone to like you. Even if that means sacrificing your own self esteem. It's just not worth being liked by someone who isn't bringing out the best in you. The most important person for you to like is yourself and if you're hanging around people who don't want the best for you, you're not going to be liking yourself very much. Unhealthy friendships are definitely not going to make you happy which is what ultimately will attract others to you.

6. It’s Hard To Break Up With Friends
It’s hard to break up with friends even when they're unhealthy friendships. What do you do, have the “it’s not you, it’s me" talk? Seriously, it’s not always easy. They call, you talk them, they invite you somewhere, you feel it’s rude to say, “No”, so the cycle continues. You know they're unhealthy friendships but you just don't know how to end it.
First thing is to be strong and to believe in yourself that you deserve the best in relationships. Then, just start saying "No" when they call. It may be tempting to just not call them back when they call but you wouldn't want to be treated that way, so don't do it to someone else. The best policy would be to be completely honest with them and tell them how you're feeling. It may not be easy to be so honest but it's the best way.

7. You Feel You Have To Out Of Loyalty
You’ve been friends since high school. How could you break up with someone you've been friends with so long? Or they're your brother's friend so you feel obligated. People change a lot over the years and start going in their own direction. If you decide to change to become more positive and confident and your friends are stuck in old thought patterns, you're keeping yourself locked into a way of life you no longer want. You need to ask yourself, why do you keep the friends that are no longer helping you to achieve your goals? To be the best you can be, you need to move on from the unhealthy friendships.

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