Everyone Just Wants To Be Loved, Too

No, its not just you.

Everyday I try to tell myself it will get better, its an adjustment, keep on keeping on. And everyday, as if I am being cursed by God things get harder. I really cant take it anymore.

Last night it was something again. And all day I tried to stay positive and happy, and upbeat and -you know, not myself. Thinking maybe, maybe, just maybe its IS me. And I come home and there is someone here, again. And if it was an isolated incident I wouldn't have minded. But this week I specifically asked for no friends to be over b/c we have sooo much work to do. And what happens? He had his cousins over on Monday and wed. He finds away around it all the time. And Friday his friend from New Jersey is coming in for his bachelor pty on Sat. And Sunday will be a wasted day because he will be hung over and so will all of his friends that will be crashing here, on my couch, again.

His priorities are fucked up. Bottom line. He has some nerve saying I should be happy with this big home that he gave me. Well, I didn't ask for the home, he did, and I didn't ask for the patio, he did, and I didn't ask for the tv, he did, and I didn't ask HIM to marry ME. He did. Possessions are not enough. I want HIM back. The him that he seemed to be, before I moved in.

So last night, that was it. I lost it. You know the kind of crying that takes over your body and forces you to run from the room with your head in your hands? That was me. He told me that his friend {from the marines} who is coming up from GA is going to stay with us on Sunday and Monday. The day after our wedding. YEP, that's the straw that broke the camel's back. He saw nothing wrong with it. I lost it. I cried and cried, and basically became the bad guy. I don't know why that bothers me, I am always the bad guy.

Its like his Uncle said to me: Steve, he is already married, to his friends.