The Changes

"Hmm, knew in my heart you was the same motherfucker bad
Go toe to toe when it's time for roll you got a brother's back
And I can't even trip, cause I'm just laughin at cha
You tryin hard to maintain, then go head
cause I ain't mad at cha...

...Well guess who's movin up, this nigga's ballin now
Bitches be callin to get it, hookers keep fallin down
He went from nuttin to lots, ten carots to rock
Went from a nobody nigga to the big, man on the block
He's Mister local celebrity, addicted to move a key
Most hated by enemy, escape in the Luxury...

...Til God return me to my essence
Cause even as a adolescents, I refuse to be a convalescent
So many questions, and they ask me if I'm still down
I moved up out of the ghetto, so I ain't real now?
They got so much to say, but I'm just laughin at cha
You niggaz just don't know, but I ain't mad at cha."
- "I ain't Mad At Cha"
By Tupac Shakur
~~~
Looking Back

I am not the girl I once was. Although, there is a some reference to her, in my smile, in my laughter, and in my look. But I have grown up. I am not 5 anymore. So much has changed around me, but as I get married I do not remember the teenage Genna or the college Genna, or the young adult Genna, so much. I remember the little girl Genna. I feel more like her, then I do those other years. I thought a few days ago, that perhaps I made allowances, to many concessions, to many broken promises to my younger self, but today I realize that it was in those years of major growth, that I probably shied away from my true self more, than I do today. It's so weird, as I prepare for my wedding, I think back to the true self I was as a child more and more. My first dreams, my first pretends of being a bride, my first favorite colors and styles, all ironically dance along the stage of my wedding today. So maybe I didn't veer to far of the course, maybe all those lost years of finding myself led me back to my true self? Maybe those years were specifically for fun, and nothing else? Who is the Genna of tomorrow? I can't tell, but I have a pretty good inclination that she is sitting right here with me. Love ya.