Don't 'Cha Wish Your Birthday Was Hot Like Mine...Don't 'Cha?

How low can u go.

There is a point that one should not cross if one wants to remain credible in the future. You, however have gone way past that point, and not just with me, with almost everyone you come into contact with.

I was watching "Celebrity Feuds" and they highlighted the feud between Eminem and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, where Eminem took the "dog" way to seriously and threaten to beat him up! Forgetting of course that the rest of the world thinks he looks ridiculous arguing with a dog puppet. Never the less, people like Eminem don't really care because they look ridiculous all the time. Such like someone else I know.

So I got into an argument with a friend today. I won't go into the background information, but I will say that this is a person who gets into altercations with everyone she knows. She embarrasses herself constantly with her crazy suggestions that the rest of the world give a damn about her--first. Never realizing that she only makes people dislike her more, and want to stay farther and farther away from her.

So our argument was over her birthday, in which because how dare I have other plans this past weekend, even though she never made any attempts to do anything for my own birthday, and nor did I care. At this point, birthdays are not top priority, as we are past the celebratory ages, and have not reached the big 3-0. So she proceeded to tell me that I am selfish because I had other plans over "her birthday weekend" and didn't reserve time for her. I informed her I didn't think she expected this of me, as my own birthday came and went with out notice. She of course told me it was "tit for tat" with me, and she put "countless time and money into my wedding". Which please do not let me go into it, because I will have to explain what a jealous bitch she was during the whole entire process and how she attempted to ruin my bachelorette pty.

Obviously this is not a friendship I feel comfortable nourishing any longer. But I will say this... What she did was lower herself to the Eminem-Triumph level. Fighting over a birthday like a 6 year old and then quickly logging off to get the last word. As my mother always said "when you leave you only have to show me your back, but when you return you will have to show me your face".

So friend, its gonna be hard to show your face around here again, Don't 'Cha Think?

Hooks

Aren't these cool?

Fall, Falling, Fell

This inspires me. As Fall quickly approaches I look forward to decking the house out with pumpkins and halloween decorations...Then it just gets damn cold. boo


















*images from Pottery Barn

Lets End This Little Tea Party

Now take off your dress off, and lets end this little tea party.
No one gives a fuck, if your sad in this world.

Funny Funny Stuff by Dane Cook. I dont even like him, but this is exactly what Steve does when I cry.
Hey whats going on, why do you sound like a bablling brook.
"oh I don't know I was just having a tough day"
Oh ya?, your having a tough fucking day, I was in Korea, I'm having a tough fucking life. You dont' even know how may tears I could cry. I could grow crops with my tears. No one gives a fuck, if your sad in this world.

Soooo what Steve would say.

A Bronx Tale

I LOVE The Bronx Tale! Some of my favorite scenes below.

I guess I love it because of the swearing and the fighting with a lesson around it. In some sense that is how I grew up. My parents swear and yell and fight, but I turned out damn good if I say so myself AND I know how great of parents mine are.

The bronx tale is just straight up ode to Italian-Americans of yester year. Love'em.

Calogero "C" With His Parents
Anello family eats steak once a week


Now Youes Can't Leave Scene
Sonny: That wasn't very nice. Now youse gotta leave.
Satan's Messengers: I'll tell you when the fuck we leave alright. Get the fuck away from me.
Satan's Messengers: {the bikers laugh at Sonny as he walks to the door} Go watch the bikes eh!
{Sonny locks the front door. All the bikers look and curse at him}
Sonny: Now youse can't leave.



Quotes:
Sonny: Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her.
Calogero 'C' Anello: Just like that?
Sonny: Listen to me, kid. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she's a selfish broad and all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast.

Collar Me Bad

This is it! The Coach Dog Collar Sofie Wants!!!

ID In Style

I want this too when Sofie gets older. With a pretty colar...maybe coach, I don't know. I'll post a pic when I find one.

Sofie Sooo Sweet

Isn't this cute! Now I just have to measure Sofie, Casey, and Diva's Belly Circumferences.

You can get it personalized with whatever you want. I'm thinking...
I'm Sassy Frassy, Who The F*@k Are You?!

Measurements Top Line Bottom Line Belly Circumference
X-Small 7 ¾" 6" 10 ½"
Small 9" 6 ¾" 12 ½"
Medium 10 ½" 8 ¼" 15"
Large 13" 9" 18"
X-Large 16 3/4" 11" 23"

Those Monks...

Are sneakier than I thought.


I now know what they REALLY used Tibetan Terriers for!


Paper Shreding.


I'm sure of it.

Children

What kind of child were you?

I am not trying to say it matters, this late in life, but well, Yes...maybe I am. We baby sat last night. Which it shouldnt be called because they arent' babies but they act like it. They are 5 and 1/2 and shouldnt' be drinking out of sippy cups or wearing pull ups to bed. But they do. They didn't want to share the box of crayons I bought or the coloring book. They had no idea about why dogs noses are wet, or why they sniff or why Sofie wanted to play with them. They didn't say please and thank you, or hello or good bye. They ordered me around like I was their waitress, and they wanted Blue Berries for breakfast. Not to mention they threw their wet pullups on the bedroom floor and complained about the smell when I told them to carry them downstairs and throw it out. Now...I'm trying to calm myself down here... What kind of child were you? I ask again.

I shared, even though I hated it, I gave my sister everything, it was fun coloring in the same book. I ate whatever people offered me, never asked for food at someonee else's house {thats just bad manners} and I never pissed in my "pull ups" when I was 5 and 1/2. They didn't have them over 20 yrs ago and that was a GOOD THING! I certianly didnt drink out of a sippy cup. Plastic cup yes, but sippy cup, I think not. I enjoyed the freedom of being a big girl. And I certainly knew about dogs, it helps that I had one, but I knew why they sniffed, and why their noses are wet and how they played. My world was a lot larger than I thought it was all these years.

All I can say is thank you mom and dad.

Something Of My Very Own

Do YOU have it? Something of your very own, that noone comes and infringes on? That noone comes and touches, moves or takes. That noone feels they can freely run up and manhandle? I don't.

We got a puppy last sunday, which is why I haven't been blogging, I've been pretty busy with our little baby. And I LOVE her.

When I write that I don't have something of my own, it is because Steve has excessively had friends over ~again. They come in {with out knocking} they grab the puppy {offering unsolicited advice} I mean it's not like I have had 3 dogs before this, eat, drink, fart, burp and piss all over the toilets, when ever they like.

I'm not going to go into this {I do it over and over} but I am truely sick of their faces, their names, and them touching my shit. But the icing on the cake was this morning when I had the puppy out trying to pee and poopie when I saw his cousing 'rounding the house for his gas cap! UGH the nerve. Is nothing sacred, nothing alone time, nothing mine?

Great Quotes

"Waste no more time arguing what a good person should be…
Be one." ~ Marcus Aurelius.


"Be the change you wish to see in the world." ~ Ghandi.


"Courage makes it possible to do the right thing even when the right thing seems unpopular."


“True wealth is who you are, not what you have.”

Ho Do You Become?

How do you become on of those people that smile all the time. And I'm not talking about beautiful women with perfect teeth and great clothes. I'm talking about the old ladies that can't see well, can't hear well and walk with a walker around the grocery store, yet they still smile everytime you say "excuse me" to walk past. It must take something directly from the good Lord, because I see plenty of young girls that scowl and complain and less of the old people that do.

How do you become on of those people that don't complain. I know my husband would like me to figure it out, but seriously. How do you just take the bad for years and years, and not say anything? How do you just swallow when you took a really big bite?

Legacy

We had to say good bye to a very special person on wednesday. She never forgot a birthday, or to say I love you. She never forgot to ask how "so and so" was doing. She was what one would call A Class Act. And in a world where people are commended for being rich and being powerful, and having beautiufl homes and lots of money, she had none of those, but what she had radiated far beyond her reach, and will last far beyond her 94 years.

When it all comes down, when the chips fall and when we sit alone in a dark room unable to see and nothing to hear, I will know that deep deep in my soul what really is important in life. She was an inspiration to us all. My dear dear Aunt May, you will be missed.

Quote of the Day

The Greatest Test Of Courage On Earth Is To Bear Defeat Without Losing Heart.

I saw this at a little eatery on ship. I wish I had stopped in sooner than the last day. I bet all week there were awesome quotes up!

A Rose By Any Other Name

Rose Josephine, is what my name should have been, if my mother had followed her family's sicilian nameing tradition as her mother before did, and her grandmother and great grandmother, and well, every woman as far back as the 1700's according to my mother's distant cousin and her family tree research. But, my mother says she didn't give a damn about tradition, but I really think she didn't want her first child, her little girl, to be named after my father's mother. It would just go to her head. So my name was debated and they decided to go with Genna with a G, and then becasue my dad said it wasn't a real name, they added an f-e-r to it and then added Marie because I think every dago girl's middle name is Marie or Ann. And there I was.

So now I have to change my name.

I went to the DMV {don't get me started} bound and determined not to loose my last name, my "maiden name" as they call it now. So sad really, that a name I feel so connected to is just a maiden name by society standards. Just a future password for my children's bank accounts and SAT tests. ~but I digress~ So marriage license in hand I walk in and explain to the 20 yr old girl behind the counter that my last name is my new middle name. She looked at me like I was speaking spanish to her and I had snot all over my face or something. She told me I can't change my middle name. Well, I don't know what f*cking articles she has been reading but YES U CAN! So after much explanation she saw the error of her ways and repaced my simple "M" to read my "maiden name" and then my new last name. So sad really, so sad.

Well, Now i'm having doubts about the whole damn thing. What the hell was wrong with the god-damn information in the first place? What the hell is wrong with taking a little time to be married with out changing anything. I'm having second thoughts about this change. It's just all happening so fast... from I do to this?!

Okay, so now I have to change it with social security. Oh God.

'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.
~Romeo and Juliet~

It's A Sneak Peak

Our Wedding Pictures on our Photographer's Blog!

La La Land

My new word is la la land. Everyone is from la la land lately. I had a great honeymoon, I got away from everyone except my baby and was able to relax and see new things and meet new people. And when I got home I was still feeling good. Still am, but as soon as I talk to a certain someone I can feel my good mood slipping away. I can feel the happiness being sucked out of me, and I wonder how this happened to her. How did she become a person like that? And more interestingly, how did I not?

Hmmmm.

Ring Ring Ring.

Instantly the conversation is about her, her likes, dislikes, interests, disinterests, problems etc. I am but an ear who answers the phone. I sometimes feel like I am only called because I will listen and not because she cares what I have to say back. She has a way of attempting to put me down, and I ignore it, because once you confirm it, she is instantly tickeled pink and then drowns on and on about how that is "your own insecurities and don't put them on me". When really she just wants to know that she got to you. Again, why do I answer the phone? So I brush off her jabs, her snotty responses and continue to listen to her blind search for compliments in every sentence. It gets tiring, it really does.

Most of the conversation is about herself. She mixes in a bit about pop culture like a teenager, and then it goes back to how she doesn't understand this or that about men. I offer my limited knowledge on the subject, which she immediatly rebuffs with "what do you know about dating, you've been with Steve for years". In an attempt to make me feel as though that "wasn't dating". Its obnicious, its rude, and its condesending. Again, why do I answer the phone?


So the conversation takes a quick turn to me, and how we should get together for my bithday, but she is soooo busy. She gives me dates that she "can't do it" saying "she'll be out of town". I, at this point, wonder if she just wants me to say "oh where are you going?" or feel bad that she can't squeeze me in, or flattered that she asks. But really, I just don't give a damn.

All of this is too much for me. I am still feeling the effects of a wonderful honeymoon and vacation. I don't need this excessive talking. It makes me think of this post where it explains about preserving your selfesteem.
A few points I found applicable:
#4. Don’t put up with crap.
There is no reason you should tolerate other people being mean to you. Even if they say they are doing it with love. Make sure people know they should be nice to you and if they refuse, walk away from them.

#5. Drop your negative friends.
Hang out with people who are positive and support you. It may be fun to bitch and moan but if you hang out with these types of people you will eventually become one of them. You may have noticed that people who bitch and moan are never happy.

Just thinking about all of this makes me tired.

While I Was Honeymooning...

We went on our honeymoon last week. We had the most wonderful time in the world and met some really great people. While we were on our trip, I knew we were living one of those types of memories you always look back to and smile about. I may never see our new friends and all the wonderful people we met again, but I hope to.

Still a Newbie

47%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

Free Online Dating from Mingle²

Bombay Shopping...again

Buffett Anyone?

I am dying for these bowls at Macy's of all places.

I love This Tray

Potterybarn always inspires me.

You are an Advocating Architect.

My personalDNA Report

My Sentiments Exactly, 2

I thought this blog was great. Soooo something I would be contemplating.

Our Wedding Mass

Let me first start off by saying, my wedding day was the most wonderful day of my life. I wouldn't have it anyother way. I enjoyed EVERY second of it.

Those that are catholic {or that arent'} sometimes dread the Catholic Mass. Its long, you stand and sit, stand and sit. ect. But it is beautiful when done right. And ours was. The music was beautiful, the flowers were beautiful, our preist was amazing, the long aisle was goregous and my cathedral lenght veil was the icing on the cake.

If your gonna do it, do it big. And we did. Here are a few of our mass components.

http://gennaandstevedaherwedding.shutterfly.com/action/

Our First Reading:
Genesis 2:18-24

The LORD God said: "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him."

So the LORD God formed out of the ground various wild animals and various birds of the air, and he brought them to the man to see what he would call them; whatever the man called each of them would be its name.
20
The man gave names to all the cattle, all the birds of the air, and all the wild animals; but none proved to be the suitable partner for the man.
21
So the LORD God cast a deep sleep on the man, and while he was asleep, he took out one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. The LORD God then built up into a woman the rib that he had taken from the man. When he brought her to the man, the man said: "This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; This one shall be called 'woman,' for out of 'her man' this one has been taken."

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body.

Our Second Reading
1 Corinthians 12:31-13:8a

If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.

And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.
If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, it is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.

It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.

Our Gospel Reading
Matthew 7:21, 24-29

Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, 10 but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.

Everyone who listens to these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and buffeted the house. But it did not collapse; it had been set solidly on rock. And everyone who listens to these words of mine but does not act on them will be like a fool who built his house on sand. The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and buffeted the house. And it collapsed and was completely ruined."

When Jesus finished these words, the crowds were astonished at his teaching, for he taught them as one having authority, and not as their scribes.

Great Quote III

Read a great quote on a great blog.

Within you
lies a power
greater than what
lies before you.

~Rhonda Blake

I'm Married!!!!!

More Photos To Come!

Still Love the Godfather, more and more

In all three films, the real Sicily fails to live up to this mythic image. The true Sicily is no paradise, but a place haunted by blood feuds and barbaric violence. In fact, every Sicilian journey culminates in a dramatic act of violence: the killing of Apollonia in The Godfather, the death of Vito’s entire family at the beginning of Part II, the subsequent revenge killing of Don Ciccio later in the film, and the murder of Mary in Part III. Ironically, it is the Corleones’ failure to escape from, rather than to, Sicily that prevents them from leaving their violent past behind. After all, Sicily, despite its rural charms and enticing vistas, is still the ancestral home of the Mafia.


"I always thought of THE GODFATHER as the story of a great king with three sons. The oldest was given his passion and aggressiveness; the second, his sweet nature and childlike qualities; and the third, his cunning and coolness."
—FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA

Love this Song, three

The Classics

If you're a dago girl like me, you'll love this shit. Rock on!

Laverne & Shirley, Lucy and Ethel, Oprah and Gayle

Oprah: How else can you explain a level of intimacy where someone always loves you, always respects you, admires you? Wants the best for you in every single situation of your life. Lifts you up. Supports you. Always! That's an incredibly rare thing between even the closest of friends. "as one soul in two bodies, when we are together the world feels right"

This post is on a lighter note than the one before about my argument with Steve.


"If I were Oprah, she'd be my Gayle", i told my sister. My sister didn't' seem interested, just thankful that someone else can listen to my obsessive rambling and illogical interests in things. No one can take the place of my sister, she is my sister, the closest genetic match to myself {how could I NOT love her?}. But there is a calm that comes over me now when I talk to her. She understands me, without judgement, she really wants the best for me. ~and she always has, I just never saw it.


Our argument, sooo many years ago, was all my fault. Looking back I see it now. And I probably knew it then too, I was just too stubborn to realize it, too much pride to admit what I did was wrong, and too insecure to bite the big one, and apologize. But Christina had a dream, a little over a year ago, about me, and her Aunt Mary, who is psychic, told her that I needed her, that I was in trouble and needed her to help me. So Christina found my email address on the Internet and emailed me. The rest is history. And after all these years, we picked right back up where we left off. Laverne and Shirley. Lucy and Ethel. Oprah and Gayle.


I don't really know what I would do without her friendship now. Her Aunt Mary was right, I was in trouble, and now I've got my partner in crime back. ~so glad!

Everyone Just Wants To Be Loved, Too

No, its not just you.

Everyday I try to tell myself it will get better, its an adjustment, keep on keeping on. And everyday, as if I am being cursed by God things get harder. I really cant take it anymore.

Last night it was something again. And all day I tried to stay positive and happy, and upbeat and -you know, not myself. Thinking maybe, maybe, just maybe its IS me. And I come home and there is someone here, again. And if it was an isolated incident I wouldn't have minded. But this week I specifically asked for no friends to be over b/c we have sooo much work to do. And what happens? He had his cousins over on Monday and wed. He finds away around it all the time. And Friday his friend from New Jersey is coming in for his bachelor pty on Sat. And Sunday will be a wasted day because he will be hung over and so will all of his friends that will be crashing here, on my couch, again.

His priorities are fucked up. Bottom line. He has some nerve saying I should be happy with this big home that he gave me. Well, I didn't ask for the home, he did, and I didn't ask for the patio, he did, and I didn't ask for the tv, he did, and I didn't ask HIM to marry ME. He did. Possessions are not enough. I want HIM back. The him that he seemed to be, before I moved in.

So last night, that was it. I lost it. You know the kind of crying that takes over your body and forces you to run from the room with your head in your hands? That was me. He told me that his friend {from the marines} who is coming up from GA is going to stay with us on Sunday and Monday. The day after our wedding. YEP, that's the straw that broke the camel's back. He saw nothing wrong with it. I lost it. I cried and cried, and basically became the bad guy. I don't know why that bothers me, I am always the bad guy.

Its like his Uncle said to me: Steve, he is already married, to his friends.

That's My Dad

Yesterday was father's day, so I want to give a shout out to my Daddy. Yes, I still call him that. And I think he kinda likes it too.

It's important to remember that every woman you meet has a Dad, and every little girl you see, will be a Woman one day too. Its like that boring John Mayer song. I don't like John Mayer, but you get my drift.

As a child, I had the kind of Dad that would carry you on his shoulders, so I could see, he'd buy me ice cream from the ice cream man, he'd dance with me at weddings, he'd tackle and tickle me when we played "football", he'd tie my shoes, and brush my hair, and zip my jackets. I had the kind of Dad that would set up the slip and slide and let me squirt him with the hose and break water balloons on him. I had the kind of Dad that would ride bikes with me and give me baths at night. I had the kind of Dad that would tell me stories of his adventures, and let me come to work with him. I had the kind of Dad that would give me "the stare" and my back would straighten. I had THAT kind of Dad, and I am lucky. Ya know what?, I still Do.
~~~

My Dad is the most amazing person I know. There is nothing he can not do. He has amazed me my whole life with his abilities to fix things, break things, invent things, destroy things, make things and buy things, over and over. When I was a little girl my dad would tuck me in at night and sprinkle fairy dust on me so I could sleep. And I truly believe it worked. I always sleep better on Dad's watch. When I think of how hard he worked so I could eat, sleep, and play it brings tears to my eyes. There is noone alive that would give as much. When I was a little girl and I would get thirsty at night, I'd lay in bed and call out, "daddy, can I have a glass of water?" And he'd somehow hear me, and somehow stumble to the kitchen, and somehow come back with a nice cup of water. He is my hero.

My Dad taught me most everything I know. He taught me how to swear, how to scream, how to be mean, how to dance, how to sing, how to laugh, how to love. My Dad is the strongest man I know. There is nothing he can't lift, nothing he can't see, nothing he can get. He always believed in me. He never gave up on me. His tenacity is what has brought me here. He has never stopped parenting me. And I'm glad about that.

My Dad is my Hero. Plain and simple, there is noone that would ever do more for me. Except maybe my mom. ;) Love ya Dadddy.

The Countdown

I walk down the asile in...13 days. OMG!

And anyone that has planned a wedding knows what I am going through now. Seating, Programs, favors, paying everyone... but I swear to God, if ANYONE says ANYTHING about the time of the ceremony AGAIN, I will go fucking balistic.


...Ahhhhh, now I feel better. I'm happy happy bride again.

Love this Song, too

Still loving the Timabland, Nelly Futado, Justin Timberlake Song.

Fragile Hearts

Can be broken.

Sometimes I stare at people a little too long, like after the initial smile and nod, they turn slightly away, but sometimes I still watch them. I begin to notice things about them. I see their weaknesses, their fragileness, their softness, their worries and their insecurities. Most of the time it makes me sad, and makes me want to give them {what I like to call} a Fiderio Hug. Which is a big big hug, with a simultaneous pat pat pat on the back, developed by the only one I know that could truly give the most giant of hugs, my Grama Fiderio. Even on her dying day, as a 12 yr old girl, she reached over and hugged me so tightly, you would never know she was dying. She made me instantly feel better, not as scared, and it left an indullable mark on my body as well as my heart. I try always to hug like that.

My point is i feel things, like intuitively about people. Like that they are sad, even when they smile and laugh, like that they hurt, so deeply by looking at their eyes, like when someone says something sooo sweet, but their eyes cut you underneath. I pick up on those things. And really you would think it was a good thing, but it makes me sad alot, and it makes me angry, or it changes my opinion of them, because there is more there than meets the eye, that others don't see. And Steve is always saying that he doesn't understand HOW I get so upset from things...but when you look at someone, you can see their heart. And some have fragile hearts.

My cousin's heart is very fragile, she is very emotional and sentimental, but often puts on the air of a fun loving person, with out a care. But she's not. She has always been my hero, and the first day I realized that she wasn't all craziness and laughter, I think I realized we had so much more in common than I thought. I think she sees peoples hearts too, when she looks at them. But her heart is breaking, bleeding, aching, and there is nothing worldly we can give her, for her pain is sooo great, that all she can do is rise above, and grow. But she's not there yet, she's holding on, to the best of her abilities, but theres a long way to go. And I see it every time I look at her.

And some don't care.

Those that will remain nameless are spoiled little brats. They say the world has been sooo cruel to them, but they have never been with out clothes or shoes, or a roof. They may not have had name brands {and our culture tells us that that =s poor}, but they have never really needed anything that they didn't have. People that collect things, have spare change. And good for them. But they come here and get mad that the food has been put away, and that dinner is over. They get mad that they aren't the ones playing the video games, and they act like little babies and wrap themselves up in my blankets and go to sleep with their feet in my throw pillows.

I call them brats because that's what they act like. And their hearts should be heavy with guilt and sadness, but they are more concerned with getting a burger, than they are with the life they washed away. God bless them, as my mother would say, because they don't know how fragile the ground they walk on really is.


Fragile hearts can be broken, too.

Words of Music

Great Words About Music I found on a great blog.

Have you noticed though that if you listen to a song in the rain, it sounds and feels different? It’s heavier. More meaningful. And the lyrics begin to sink in. Certain songs were meant to be played in the rain. Or at night. Or in the city. Or in the Summer. Or in transition. Sometimes to forget. Sometimes to hold on. Songs for beginnings, or ends. For sad, or angry, or beautiful.

All good songs are better songs in the right mood.

And then, like magic, that’s when a stranger's poetry becomes my story, for me. And your story, for you. And then music is simple no longer - because our stories are never simple.

Love this Song

Love Love Love the Bone and Akon song.
Shout out to Cleveland!



"It's like I'm taking 5 steps forward and 10 steps back, trying to get ahead of the game, but I can't seem to get it on track, and I keep running away from the ones that say they love me the most how could I create the distance when it's suppose to be close and uh, I just don't know but I be out here fighting demons and, it's like a curse that I can't shake this part of Cleveland and lord, would you help me? and stop this pain I keep inflicting on my family hustling gambling, tricking and scamming scrambling and losing sight of what I'm suppose to be handling, it's hard to manage cause everyday's a challenge and man I'm slipping can't lose my balance I'm trying not to panic."

Nada, Niente, Nessuno

Nothing Today. Low on inspiration I guess.

~toodles~

Givers and Takers

There are 2 kinds of people on earth that I mean, those are the people who lift and the people who lean.

Just another great quote about people who take and never give. People who live off other people and never help out. The people who walk around like they are god's gift, and then rip others for being different. It takes all kinds my friend, it takes all kinds.

But if we should elaborate for a few...the givers and the takers... I hate people who take, and take and take, and when you say enough is enough, they call you selfish. They call you rude and they say you are a bad person. I don't buy this shit anymore. I'm a giver, I give and fucking give and get rudeness and bitchiness and people take more than I offer. So I figured out too just stop giving to those people that are chronic takers. I'm all about holding a door for a stranger, but I always seem to have them slam in my face on the way out.

Great Quote III

"My father said there were two kinds of people in the world: givers and takers. The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better."
~Marlo Thomas

Just Take A Pill

And get over it.

With a large gulp of water, the scariness will be gone. You will be back to normal. Whatever that is for you now. Fuuhh, you lucked out on that one, didn't cha?

I unfortunately must have been born with an abnormal gag reflex. I can't swallow large pills -at all. I can't hardly swallow small ones, so I chew baby aspirin and I try never to get sick. I hope I'm a lucky senior citizen, cause I know my grama takes tons of pills everyday. So, I can't take a pill to ease my pain as easily as the next person. I'm not going to reference the inspiration behind this post, but I did post about this before. All I can say is, I hope that is one bitter pill to swallow.

Like Minded People

I think it was my dad who told me, or maybe it was an old professor, or maybe it was some guy at church...but whoever it was, I find myself more and more, feeling as though they were "dead on balls accurate". The search of Like Minded People.

The theory of Like Minded People:
~Search out those who are of like mind, who think similarly to you and befriend them.
~Rationale: Like Minded People share the same sets of morals and values as you do. Their priorities and preferences coincide with those you have. When choosing friends, life partners, and possibly even careers it is best to go with those that fit nicely into your life.

Now, I'm all for a meeting of the minds. Brainstorming sessions to come up with alternatives and other ideas. I'm all for sitting down with someone completely different and getting to know them. I like meeting new people and stuff. Most of the people I am friends with, are not like minded people with me. But I find common ground with everyone.

What the Like Minded People Theory helps me with is when I'm distressed and feel alone in the world it gives me a place to go home to. A group of people that, although we may be different, there is a common thread that runs though us, grounds us, and keeps us sane. I need these people, just as much as the world needs lots of different people.

Anyone Want This Unwanted Baby?

Cheerios get softer -quicker here. Some how they just do. I don't really know why. Oh well, back to my thoughts.



Anyone want an unwanted baby? The answer of course is yes. Millions of people want a baby, can't conceive, talk to their drs., their ministers, their mothers. They cry, and cry. They either opt to TRY to adopt a child or they go for the all expensive fertility help, or resign to the fact that they may be childless forever. No one in my immediate family had had fertility problems. ~I think. All of my cousins have children. My dad's sisters had 7 and 6 children. And from what I know they ALL had more than one as well. My dad's mother had 4, 2 were even twins. Pretty lucky, I guess. And then there was my mom's mom, she only had 2, and my mom only had 2, but that's just because she didn't want anymore after she met my sister {I kid, I kid}. So my point is God willing, I won't have trouble when my time comes. But my Grama does tell me that I'm unhealthy, I don't eat red meat, or fruits and veggies, or protein, I tan, in tanning beds {GASP} and am around 2nd hand smoke. But over all, I'm pretty healthy. ...blah blah blah, on to my point.

Unwanted babies. That's right. I know a couple who have one {hell don't we all}, but I also know a couple that hasn't had IT. They are young, ridiculously stupid, and immature. But aren't' we all at 18? I know I was. So basically these 2 babies, now are expecting a baby. But they just want this messy little problem to go away. So I haven't heard the latest, but that's what they are doing. To quote, "I mean, it will be hard and shit, but she'll get over it". -ummm, talk to anyone, you never really get over it. But they don't want to hear my perspective. Because to me its a life, and I'm pretty sure to anyone who has EVER gotten pregnant, its a life, even if they don't choose to have it.

But {I say this sarcastically of course} sure do hope they get this thing over with, I mean the Cavs ARE in the finals, and he's gotta get back to Halo 3! Cause this baby is certainly putting a damper on my summer plans as well, I mean, I got sooo much cool shit going on too. But not half as much as them.


Poor Little Life. Someone wants you, just not the right people.

Here Again

Well I've arrived here again. Lost and lonely. How is that possible? Every other day it seems, I'm here, in this special place. Maybe that says something and I'm too dumb to hear it. Maybe, the one time I should listen, should analyze and should think, I just...don't? Maybe I'd just rather waste my time typing this blog post? I don't know.


I sit alone, shouldn't have eaten, cause my stomach is in a knot, feeling uneasy, as his moods change, and his attitude worsens, and his snide comments grow less snide and more direct. I get sicker and sicker to my stomach. I want to go home, but there is no home anywhere for me. I'm lost and alone. I'm a failure, at everything I try. Why oh why?

I feel like a child again, when my dad would get mad and scream and yell and I'd hide under my bed begging God for him to stop and just be nice again. I'd pretend under my bed was another world. Oh how I wish it were. Is God trying to tell me something? Why am I the brunt of this? Why am I the one, even when I did nothing wrong, am I being punished? That's how it feels, for what its worth.

I realized today I'm an adult and can't take care of myself. I can't function properly. I'm a wreck. Or maybe I can function, just not very well. But it was clear to me today, that all I have ever really tried at has been f*cked up somehow and I never really A'ced the tests. Isn't it wonderful to have someone tell you that about yourself? I guess women really do marry men like their fathers.