Anyone Want This Unwanted Baby?

Cheerios get softer -quicker here. Some how they just do. I don't really know why. Oh well, back to my thoughts.



Anyone want an unwanted baby? The answer of course is yes. Millions of people want a baby, can't conceive, talk to their drs., their ministers, their mothers. They cry, and cry. They either opt to TRY to adopt a child or they go for the all expensive fertility help, or resign to the fact that they may be childless forever. No one in my immediate family had had fertility problems. ~I think. All of my cousins have children. My dad's sisters had 7 and 6 children. And from what I know they ALL had more than one as well. My dad's mother had 4, 2 were even twins. Pretty lucky, I guess. And then there was my mom's mom, she only had 2, and my mom only had 2, but that's just because she didn't want anymore after she met my sister {I kid, I kid}. So my point is God willing, I won't have trouble when my time comes. But my Grama does tell me that I'm unhealthy, I don't eat red meat, or fruits and veggies, or protein, I tan, in tanning beds {GASP} and am around 2nd hand smoke. But over all, I'm pretty healthy. ...blah blah blah, on to my point.

Unwanted babies. That's right. I know a couple who have one {hell don't we all}, but I also know a couple that hasn't had IT. They are young, ridiculously stupid, and immature. But aren't' we all at 18? I know I was. So basically these 2 babies, now are expecting a baby. But they just want this messy little problem to go away. So I haven't heard the latest, but that's what they are doing. To quote, "I mean, it will be hard and shit, but she'll get over it". -ummm, talk to anyone, you never really get over it. But they don't want to hear my perspective. Because to me its a life, and I'm pretty sure to anyone who has EVER gotten pregnant, its a life, even if they don't choose to have it.

But {I say this sarcastically of course} sure do hope they get this thing over with, I mean the Cavs ARE in the finals, and he's gotta get back to Halo 3! Cause this baby is certainly putting a damper on my summer plans as well, I mean, I got sooo much cool shit going on too. But not half as much as them.


Poor Little Life. Someone wants you, just not the right people.

Here Again

Well I've arrived here again. Lost and lonely. How is that possible? Every other day it seems, I'm here, in this special place. Maybe that says something and I'm too dumb to hear it. Maybe, the one time I should listen, should analyze and should think, I just...don't? Maybe I'd just rather waste my time typing this blog post? I don't know.


I sit alone, shouldn't have eaten, cause my stomach is in a knot, feeling uneasy, as his moods change, and his attitude worsens, and his snide comments grow less snide and more direct. I get sicker and sicker to my stomach. I want to go home, but there is no home anywhere for me. I'm lost and alone. I'm a failure, at everything I try. Why oh why?

I feel like a child again, when my dad would get mad and scream and yell and I'd hide under my bed begging God for him to stop and just be nice again. I'd pretend under my bed was another world. Oh how I wish it were. Is God trying to tell me something? Why am I the brunt of this? Why am I the one, even when I did nothing wrong, am I being punished? That's how it feels, for what its worth.

I realized today I'm an adult and can't take care of myself. I can't function properly. I'm a wreck. Or maybe I can function, just not very well. But it was clear to me today, that all I have ever really tried at has been f*cked up somehow and I never really A'ced the tests. Isn't it wonderful to have someone tell you that about yourself? I guess women really do marry men like their fathers.

Funny Email

A Woman's Love Poem

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

A Man's Love Poem

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course
and loves to send me fishing & hunting.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

"Where's My Baby?"

"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives."
-- Rita Rudner

So, funnny. I was again pouring my cereal into my bowl {yes, pre-coffee} and I poured a'lil bit too much. No problem, give it to the dog I thought. And then it occured to me I don't have a dog. My dod died last year in august, right after I got engaged. I held her as she died, because I told her I would never leaver, never ever. And I never did. I am proud of myself for that one.

And then a miraculous thing happened, my parents got another dog last October. And she was cute and smart and sweet and all of those things puppies are. But she wasn't Sugar. And isn't that what we were all looking for on some level? Sugar was gone and our new puppy solidified that. Diva was here now. Sugar's old toys were adopted by her and she even lays in Her "spots" around the house. But the biggest thing Diva did to show us she wasn't Sugar, wasn't Sugar, was be stingy with the kisses. Diva, didn't give kisses like Sugar. Sugar would love to kiss and sit on your lap and look dreamily into your eyes. We were her world. And Diva, well Diva had a whole new world to explore, and she didn't have the time for TONS of kisses. If Diva came up to you, its because she'd rather bite your nose then give kisses. Trust me watch your face.

So Diva, needed "classes" because she was such a dominant doggie. So my parents did that, and Diva still peed and bit and then one day, after much anguish, Diva stopped being bad. Just like that. And she is such a good dog, so different from Sugar, with such a cute happy little friendly personality as opposed to Sugar's controlling, and some what snotty personality. Diva wants to be your friend, go places, do things while Sugar wanted to sit on your lap, give you kisses and watch tv.

Then Diva got "fixed". And the poor baby had her due claws taken off. And she hurt soooo badly. But Diva isn't a baby, she still wanted to take walks and run and play, even with that funky collar on. So the other day I noticed Diva liked it when I rubbed her belly around her stitches. Just like Sugar, Sugar loved her belly rubbed. But Diva never did. And now she LOVES it. She gives kisses more and more, and even comes when I say "where's my baby?" ~she knows that's her. She's our baby.

But Diva lives with my parents and I live here now. And I don't see her everyday anymore. And I want a puppy so bad. But I can't take care of one right now. Maybe next year, after the wedding. I don't know. But I want a doggie to give my extra cereal to, and take on walks and get kisses from. I can't help it. I'm a dog person.

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion"
-- Unknown

I talk to him when I'm lonesome like; and I'm sure he understands. When he looks at me so attentively, and gently licks my hands; then he rubs his nose on my tailored clothes, but I never say naught thereat. For the good Lord knows I can buy more clothes, but never a friend like that. ~W. Dayton Wedgefarth

Steak~Eating Girls

I had a dream last night/early morn., and I dreamed that some ultra hip, ultra "aware" girl and her friend were here in Steve's home and basically telling him how I'm not the right one for him. They were traveled, roller coaster riding, steak eating girls and I was inflamed. In the dream, I entertained them, until it got to be too much, after they brought a bush from Tuscany, I threw it outside in the back yard and all the dirt spilled out of its pot, and then I jumped on the damn thing until it was ruined. I also pulled a gun on them, {called it a glock} and thanked God it was "cold". But they still persisted, so I had to shoot the friend so that the one that wanted Steve {and he seemed to want her too} would realize I was serious here. But even though she was shot, she didn't bleed she just slouched over on the floor by the fireplace. And as Steve sided with them, basically explaining all the things I don't do like SHE would do I hit him and punched him and yelled and swore at him. I told him go ahead and leave me a month before our wedding, and hang out with this girl. Go ahead u can have him.

I wonder what all this meant? I will have to do a dream analysis on it. hmmmm.

As My Cereal Gets Soft

A morning without coffee is like sleep.
~Author Unknown


I get my coffee.

Which getting, before coffee is a feat of mass porportions for me. If you only knew...I can barely type even now! So because I had to put a garbage bag IN the garbage can, I got a little behind in my morning routine. And then I had to fight with the frig to let me get the milk out and not drop it ~again. Which of course almost happened. So, alas as my coffee "brewed" I poured out the last of my whole grain cheerios into my bowl, and because I'm obsessed with the Milk "going bad" I quickly poured some into the bowl. WELL, then I had to fill the sugar bowl up~again. Because Steve decided to have coffee yesterday {had he not this wouldn't have been a problem, but somewhere in my prehistoric precoffee mind this is a huge deal} I had to refill. Soooo, by the time I got my coffee all situated, turned on this computer, and did everything else just to drink the f*cking thing ,my cereal got soft.

Which seriously people, tastes like shit.

I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine! ~Author Unknown

I Know I Am, But What Are You?

I'm Yellow, what r u?

YELLOW

You are very perceptive and smart. You are clear and to the point and have a great sense of humor. You are always learning and searching for understanding.

Find out your color at QuizMeme.com!

Steve is Aqua. This quiz is right on.

AQUA

You enjoy life, humor, and being exuberant. Wherever you go you usually find yourself stealing the spotlight without even trying. You love to let go and have fun.

Find out your color at QuizMeme.com!

Quotes That Made Me Laugh...for One Reason or The Other...

Here we are at the 21st century, but where's the world of the future we were always told about? Where are the flying cars? Where are the robots doing our housework? Where are the people zippingaround in jetpacks? I'm sorry, but clapping my lights on and off doesn't cut it.
-radio advertisement

Walls for the wind,
a roof for the rain
and tea beside the fire.
Laughter to cheer you,
those you love near you
and all that your heart might desire.
-Irish Blessing

May you live a thousand years, and I, one day less, so that I might never know the world without the pleasure of your company.
-Hungarian wedding toast

Danny: Sir, I love your daughter and I want to marry her. That's why I'm calling.
Jack: First of all, Danny, the truth is this is just a courtesy call. Like when you say to your neighbor, "We're having a loud party on Saturday night if that's all right with you." What you really mean is, "We're having a loud party on Saturday night."
Danny: Mr. Bristow -
Jack: Sydney doesn't give a damn what my opinion is. What interests me is that you do.
Danny: It's just a custom to call the father, that's all this is.
Jack: Well, then, I'll tell you what. I may become your father-in-law, that's just fine. But I will not be used as part of a charming little anecdote you tell your friends at cocktail parties so they can see what a quaint, old-fashioned guy Danny really is. Are we clear?
Danny: Yes, sir.
Jack: Good. Then welcome to the family.
- Alias

~Family Quotes~
Michael Corleone: That's my family, Kay. It's not me.

George Bailey: You call this a happy family? Why do we have to have all these kids?

Greg: Dharma, I love your family very much. But my father is going to bludgeon your father to death with a brick, and I'm going to let him.

Kitty Forman: Red's mother is coming.
Midge Pinciotti: What's that pet name she has for you?
Kitty Forman: Whore.

Ally (to a stranger who bumped into her): Hey, no don't say you're sorry when you're not sorry, you didn't even look up and see who you bumped into. What if I was an old lady? I could have fallen down and broken a hip. I could be lying on my back in some HMO, my lungs filling up with phlegm till I'm on life support draining my family of every last cent of their inheritance while I, I asphyxiate on my own dried mucous, no don't say you're sorry when you're not sorry.

Clark: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.
-Christmas Vacation

Cosmo: There I was in prison. And one day I help a couple of older gentlemen make some free telephone calls. They turn out to be, let us say, good family men.
Martin Bishop: Organized crime?
Cosmo: Hah. Don't kid yourself. It's not that organized.

Al Capone: I want this guy dead! I want his family dead! I want his house burned to the ground! I want to go there in the middle of the night and piss on his ashes!

But the problem is that when I go around and speak on campuses, I still don't get young men standing up and saying, 'How can I combine career and family?'
-Gertrude Stein

Rings of Love

Its getting close, they keep saying, and my palms get sweaty, and I get that feeling inside my stomach. Its getting close...

Can't stop time. It keeps running and running. But maybe just maybe I can press pause...just for a min. or 2?

After much internal debate about my name {see other postings}, my self identity, I realized one thing. You don't loose yourself. You take yourself with you where ever you go. Look in the mirror, there you are. No matter what, I will be here, Genna isn't going anywhere.

On that note we have to buy wedding rings...

Bombay Etc

Saw some finds again that inspire me at Bombay. These pics are from the outlet store. This bed kind a looks like mine...hmmm. NO, Not That One. The 4 Poster Bed!

Great Quote II

It's only with the heart that one see's rightly.
What is essential is invisible to the eye.

Heart Light, Eyes Open, Ears Tuned In, Mouth Shut

I was typing something and this damn thing shut down. So I don't know what the fuck I wanted to say. Something about being positive and happy and all that bullshit, but the truth is I'm pissed off today. Does the world have a second to listen to me bitch? Didn't think so. Well I'm going to anyway.

Rudeness vs Honesty 101

There is a difference between honesty and rudeness. Bottom line. Maybe some don't think so but I'll clearly explain it:
1) Rudeness is saying whats on your mind, no matter how it effects the other person.
2) Honesty is when you say the truth, so that it is fair and the other person is given the facts of the situation.
3)Rudeness doesn't come from a "good" place inside yourself. It comes from that ugly monster that jealousy, envy, hate, greed and insecurity feeds.
4) Honesty is meant usually to help the situation, make life easier, clear things up so that everyone can move on to a more productive point.
5)I read a quote somewhere and its at home so I'll paraphrase: Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strength. Only the weak can be cruel, gentleness can only be expected from the strong.

Hope I summed it up. If I can find the quote I'll add it. If you have to say every thought that flies into your mind and out your mouth don't be surprised if other people don't like what you've got to say. Who the fuck are you to say whatever you want and expect everyone to step in line? I don't get it. Did it ever occur to you that others actually have more going on between their two ears than whatever you got to say at this very moment? Some people have unbearable pain and suffering and don't even mention it. Keep you big mouth shut. As my first grade teacher told me once "if you don't have anything nice to say, keep your fucking mouth shut".

Flip Flops

I bought these flip flops from target for the bridesmaids to wear at the reception as part of their gifts. Hope it works.

Bombay Goods

I love these lamps and stuff at Bombay.



And this one from Bombay Outlet

Target Finds

I love these cool things from Target.

My Sentiments Exactly

I'd like to run away
From you,
But if you didn't come
And find me ...
I would die.
~ by Shirley Bassey ~

Only So Far

People will do things for you, but only so many.
People will travel for you, but only so far.
People will help you, but only so much.
People will be honest with you, but only for themselves.
People will say things that they shouldn't and blame it on your bond. Then they will be surprised as you cry.
People will stand next to you in the sun, while everyone is admiring. Who will be the first to run, when the rain comes?

When you find the ones who will go to the mat for you, hold on to them.
They are few and far between.
I can predict what my enemies will do, but I never thought to watch my friends.
~~~~

My Mom's Birthday

Was yesterday, May 15th. All your babies, big and small, love you mom.

Want A Furry Baby?!

So...I'm considering what kind of doggie I would want. This week its a Havanese. Here are some pics from a breeder in Las Vegas.

Great Quote

I got this quote from another blog. I love it.
“The cure for anything is salt water:
Sweat, Tears or The Sea.”

Beautiful Wedding

We went to a beautiful wedding in New Jersey this past weekend. It was such a fun trip. Everything was great, and we met a lot of new people. I thought it would suck being alone while steve was in the wedding party, but I lucked out by hanging out with and meeting some very nice people my own age. It worked out nicely, I wasn't alone at all. Here's some pics of their day. Congrats again, Kelly and Steve.

Funny Blog 2

Words of advice. Never take anything a man says while in a hot tub at face value. You will only end up disappointed in the end. Hey, I’m just warning you.

Now who’s lied to you? Frat boy did? You mean 23 year old guy who wears his PKA shirt everywhere he goes along with his cargo shorts and hat on backwards? That guy? No way!

Because we all know, as Chris Rock put it best, "It's only sexual harrassment if the guy is ugly". Amen brother. If the Jude Law looking guy in your office is hitting on you, usually you go along with it and dont report him. But when its the pencil pushing, paper repair guy who smells and hits on everything in the office, then its sexual harrassment.

I'm Crying Alot Lately...My Life Is Changing Alot Lately

Don't know why exactly.

I get it in my head that Steve hates me. That he wants to be mean to me. That he enjoys when people are mean to me. Why do I think that? Is it true? All I want is to be happy, and I get scared that it will never come. Why can't I have, what it seems this girl has? Maybe noone will ever tuck me in, again.

Honestly, I need to move somewhere with better weather. Maybe thats why I'm so depressed. Even these 5 days of 80 degrees can't perk me up.

A Cani Tintu Catina Curta

Translation: To bad dogs, a short chain is placed

Si vidi un grecu e un lupu, lassa lu lupu e tira a lu grecu.
Eng. If you see a Greek and a wolf, avoid the wolf and shoot the Greek.

Pacenzia ci voli a li burraschi ca meli nun si mancia senza nuschi
Eng: You need patience to deal with life, nobody has honey without flies.

Sicilian generally uses the word ending [u] for singular masculine nouns and adjectives, and [a] for feminine. The plural is usually [i] for both masculine and feminine. By contrast, in Italian masculine nouns and adjectives that end in [o] in the singular pass to [i] in the plural, while the feminine counterparts pass from [a] to [e].For example, the Italian word bello is beddu in Sicilian.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
People don't seem to understand. And it forces me, and it strains me, and I wonder if there is anything that will ever bond us. Is there anything that will ever make him think deeper. I want to run away today. Is there a rest of my life not involved with tons of bullshit. I don't like your old ways, I don't like the world that you are. I am comfortable in MY world. And those that share it. I can't seem to understand how I ended up in this foregin land.

Here Comes The Bride

I am a Girlie~Girl?

Didn't know that.

I never grew up thinking I was a girlie-girl. I never overly liked to wear dresses, or do my hair, or take baths. Never overly disliked mud, or grass or out door play. But Steve tells me this over and over. And yesterday at Tom's Barbeque I began to think, "maybe I am one".
It is true. I don't like:
Bugs
Snakes
Rain
Camping
Smelling
or Dirt

Don't like:
living outside
washing myself anywhere but my own shower
drinking from cans
or smelling ~did I mention that?
I don't really like cooking my own food, in the dark, over an open flame. ~unless of course it is a marshmello. But even then I have my limits. {please no dirty sticks}

Maybe its because I never had brothers. Never saw them piss all over outside, never was overly teased, or had my hair pulled. Never had anyone EVER fart on my face ~as some of my friends report. Never kissed a frog, or held a snake. I guess that makes me girlie? Just not so sure.

But I swear like a man, thanks to my dad. My mouth has always been bad. I cus, and yell, and threaten to kill, just like any man, I have ever met. Steve will atest to that. I've had men tell me to "act like a lady", "that a young girl like you shouldn't swear". Of which I replied, rather cooly, "Oh ya? Fuck You." I swear constanly, I remember doing it as far back as 6th grade. My father swears alot, and he swears in siclian to boot. I picked up the same words, the same phrases, and I rather like them.

Girlie or no, I'm no buttons and lace.

Things That Can Be Changed, That Aren't Vol. II

The people that call, and u hear silence. Then 5 seconds later, they say "hello?" Hello?" "Hello ma'm." ~FUCK YOU! don't call ME and then act like I called you. I'm working here bitch.

Steve's friends... nough said

People that cry about shit. ~Boohoo. grow some balls and be a fucking man instead of a gay {homosexual-gay} teenager about shit. Nobody wants to hear your sob story. I got one too. I had it made in the shade and now i'm cleaning toilets. Wanta trade little boy? ~didn't think so.

Just about everything I can think of right now.

Funniest Blog Ever

Let me ask you something. And I’m being serious here. Is violent vomiting bad for you? I mean, to the point of where your insides feel like someone is shoving a butcher knife through your intestines? Because that’s about how I felt the second he finished that sentence. You make me puke like I’ve caught the ebola virus, Andy.

They’re like a personality to him, or a sense of charm - completely foreign. This was one of the lamest solo dates ever. I half expected these two to end up in the sandbox filling up each others pails by the end of the night.

Whoa. I don’t know what to say to that, Andy. I really don’t. Other than you’re completely crazy and your porcelain veneers are making Elliot Yamin jealous.

Usually when kissing Andy, one tilts their head one way, and the other tilts theirs the opposite way. Or in my case about 10 years ago, the chick insisted on tilting her head the same way I did mine. That made for some really fun times. I sh**canned her immediately. Sorry. If you can’t get the head tilting thing down, you’re retarded.
-RealitySteve.com

I Ordered My Shoes!

This Ain't The First Time

I heard the most perfect line yesterday. And though it wouldn't make much of a poem, I knew I liked the title.

"Hey Georgie,
This Ain't the 1st ime I've been to a rodeo."

Don't cha love it?!


-We all hoods, and all we ever had was dreams...in the gutter you learn to have a criminal mind, was addicted to trying, never meant to do time, my epitaph will read, was the last of G's to kick the shit to make the white man bleed....Ain't nobody promise me a thing, I've been caught up in this game ever since I was a little motherfucker wanting to hang...never run unless I'm coming at cha, cry later but for now lets enjoy the laughter. God Bless the Dead. -Tupac Shakur

This ain't my first rodeo
This ain't the first time this old cowboy's been throwed
This ain't the first I've seen this dog and pony show
This ain't my first rodeo

Golden Girls

"Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true your a pal and a confidant.

And if you through a party
Invited everyone you ever knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say
thank you for being a friend."

-The Golden Girls Theme Song
"Thank You for Being a Friend" by Andrew Gold
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How can I say Thank you?
How can you ever comprehend,
just how much you mean to me.
I appreciate all you have done for me,
and all you promise to.
It seems it is you, who knows,
the true meaning of being a friend,
in the end.

How stupid I was, who didn't see,
all that I had right there in front of me.
And as I look back,
I notice it was then,
that I veered off course, took a fork in the road,
but thankfully made it back here in the end.

I wish I could have been there for you,
Like you are here for me.
But as you have said, I had to take a different path,
maybe it was to find the man of my dreams, who knows. :)

Life is all a learning experience.
I know that now.
I know now not to be so hard and so cruel,
so judgemental and so rude.
To be more forgiving.
And I learned that from you.

The Changes

"Hmm, knew in my heart you was the same motherfucker bad
Go toe to toe when it's time for roll you got a brother's back
And I can't even trip, cause I'm just laughin at cha
You tryin hard to maintain, then go head
cause I ain't mad at cha...

...Well guess who's movin up, this nigga's ballin now
Bitches be callin to get it, hookers keep fallin down
He went from nuttin to lots, ten carots to rock
Went from a nobody nigga to the big, man on the block
He's Mister local celebrity, addicted to move a key
Most hated by enemy, escape in the Luxury...

...Til God return me to my essence
Cause even as a adolescents, I refuse to be a convalescent
So many questions, and they ask me if I'm still down
I moved up out of the ghetto, so I ain't real now?
They got so much to say, but I'm just laughin at cha
You niggaz just don't know, but I ain't mad at cha."
- "I ain't Mad At Cha"
By Tupac Shakur
~~~
Looking Back

I am not the girl I once was. Although, there is a some reference to her, in my smile, in my laughter, and in my look. But I have grown up. I am not 5 anymore. So much has changed around me, but as I get married I do not remember the teenage Genna or the college Genna, or the young adult Genna, so much. I remember the little girl Genna. I feel more like her, then I do those other years. I thought a few days ago, that perhaps I made allowances, to many concessions, to many broken promises to my younger self, but today I realize that it was in those years of major growth, that I probably shied away from my true self more, than I do today. It's so weird, as I prepare for my wedding, I think back to the true self I was as a child more and more. My first dreams, my first pretends of being a bride, my first favorite colors and styles, all ironically dance along the stage of my wedding today. So maybe I didn't veer to far of the course, maybe all those lost years of finding myself led me back to my true self? Maybe those years were specifically for fun, and nothing else? Who is the Genna of tomorrow? I can't tell, but I have a pretty good inclination that she is sitting right here with me. Love ya.

Hopscotch Paths

We are building a patio. Well, I guess not we, but we are getting on soon... and I can't wait. Here are some pretty things that are inspiring me as of late. Take particular note of the stepping stones in the grass. They remind me of my grandfather's backyard. He had a patio with 6 square blocks set in the grass, 2 side by side in 3 rows, and my sister and I used to play hopscotch on them. Great memory! Enjoy.

Sicilian Things

I am frequently looking for lovely things for my kitchen. Isn't it weird, I actually have a kitchen now. I made the sicilian olive plaque in the middle, i didn't buy it, but I haven't hung it up. I'm getting some gruff from my non sicilian counterpart. :)

About Me

I'm lost and not knowing
Scar'd up
But still flowing
Energized and still going.
-Tupac Shakur, Heartz of Men

There was a time several years back that I found great comfort in Tupac's songs. They say you seek out what you need at that time to comfort you. It was a time of confusion, anger and I guess, loneliness. I felt very alone in the world. I felt that my problems weren't shared by anyone, and I felt that at any minute I could break apart. Those are often the times I look to God as well.

I sit here in a place I've never sat and write a blog something I thought I would never do, but it actually comforts me. I always have a written journal, but this is nice too. I am scared and lonely. I don't have much reason to be lonely, but this is a major transition in my life, and I guess I putting myself in my shell and hiding under my critter cave, like Grazia does, to protect myself. And they more I back up, the more I am alone.

I feel like I could cry right now. Cry for the journey I took almost a year ago, that led me to the same sad state of affairs. I could cry for the pain I endured for nothing. I could cry for the money I spent on nothing. I could cry, and then I would be just washed up and depressed. So at least right now, I have the option of tears, after that I will be completely desolate, and depressed. I know, I've been here before. What I don't know is if I can ever come out of it.

Give It As Good As You Get It?

Do you?

I'm sick of it. I give and give and give. Maybe people just think it's an endless amount of supply on my end -but it's not. I'm done. I'm through. I'd like to think I'm on my way of becoming a gracious hostess, the kind that makes guests feel at ease. I try to offer a plethora of foods and drinks for my guests and clean up around the house when they come over. I don't mind if they get loud or even an occasional spill. But it gets rough when I'm the one who goes around and picks up their beer bottles, their almost full water bottles and half drunk cans of pops after each visit.

Is it too much to ask that you throw out your garbage? That you finish your beverages? Or pour the rest down the god damn drain? I think not.

Those that upset me will remain nameless. Just let it be known that I have never and will never spill my drink in your basket, and then shrug it off.

I'm In Bombay, and I'm Not Coming Back

I love bombay. Here are some things to check out.

Hello & Welcome To...

I love Giada De Laurentiis. I wish I could cook like her. But I do, when I'm alone, in my own world and my own kitchen, I close my eyes and pretend... I talk to my audience and savor the first bite of my new dish. ummm mmmm good.

Do You Ever Wonder

Do you ever wonder why you were created such as you are? Why your box isn't as big as others is? Why your world is small but your imagination is great? Why you see pretty things and want them even though there is so much waste in the world? Why you can't loose half of your ass at one step class? Why your creativity seems stunted some days, and pouring out all over the place on other days? Why people take shots at you, why they make snotty comments, and why you can't punch them in the face? Do you ever wonder why you are you, the great, obnoxious, passionate, tired, meticulous person?

I saw some things that inspired me lately, like this one person's blog, she was so much more creative then me. This girl in the House and Garden article. I bet she uses her china, Janice.

I'll Buy Them Towels... They Will Never Use The China

Those were the words of a person, whom I'll call Janice. "Let them eat cake".

She informed my future mother-in-law, she would not buy us any of our china that I soooo PAINSTAKINGLY, and let me emphasise that with a list of witnesses if need be, selected. I mean nights of worry here people! But never the less, (insert snoody voice) she will not be purchasing me any of that because I obviously do not know what to do with it. And no matter how many times I told her I would use it (I mean it can go in the dishwasher), she still will "buy me towels". The most practical of gifts.

I will be one of "those people". You know the ones, those "silly little girls" that register for tons of things that they will never fit in their "tiny little homes" and who want 129.00 china and have (gasp) no dinning room table to put it on! Janice loathes those poor pathetic chits "who think they know, but have no idea."

True, I have no dinning room table or buffet or china cabinet. But I do have taste, and I WILL use it. I mean I can't promise everyday, but trust me. Have a little faith Janice. I didn't fall of the back of a pick up truck yesterday, obviously you do not know where I com from. Perhaps my beginnings were meager, but alas, I have risen. Just ask Vera, you know, Wang.

Creme rises to the top, does it not?

The Things That Can Be Changed, That Aren't.

First up, the mat my office chair rolls on. Its broken and cracked, its like going over rail road tracks everytime I attempt to push in my chair. How much would it cost to fix this, I ask, $50.00 or so. COME ON PEOPLE. Help me out.

Secondly, how come people can't shut their own computers down when they leave? I think they think some magic geanie comes and does it every night or something. I am sick of it. Same goes for dumping your own garbage pail. What the fuck!?

Steve, can't u put your god damn dishes in the dishwasher? Again, I think he thinks a little geanie comes and does it. Its annoying and if i have to live with this for the rest of my life, I will scream. I see why my mother is the way she is now...

These fucking envelopes.

People that move suddenly and don't tell anyone. Forwarding doesn't always work people! They change their telephone numbers, and email addresses and poof- are off. I guess I'm too much of a rooted person to move like that. Why wouldn't you want to tell anyone...or maybe they just don't tell me. ha ha

Grazia is a turtle. She is not a dog or a cat. Don't "pet" her, "play" with her or pick her up contstatly. She doesn't really like you people. She ONLY likes Me!

No Diva, Stop Chewing My Shoes!

A Wedding Gift

Getting married has its perks.

1. The Gift Registry: You go to a store that you like, sign up for the gift registry. Listen to an obnoxious person drown on and on about how you NEED crystal goblets, when you really don't. This person shows you china patterns on colored place mats (cause don't you know they look sooo different, and then finaly you pick one. All the while just thinking, "GIVE ME THE SCANNER DAMN IT!" -and then it happens, you get the almighty scanner, to scan any fucking thing you may want or need in the whole store for someone else to buy you. Its the greatest feeling on earth, until...your fiancee wants to do it... ugh. -disapointment

2. "CONGRATULATIONS": Everyone congratulates you. Even people you've never met before. Like you won a pulitzer prize or something. Like you did something to deserve this amazing person to love you for the rest of your life. At first it is all very sweet, and then as you work your way through the wedding planning process, you begin to feel its almost being said as an inside joke. Like, "ha ha, enjoy the fees and stress associated with this". Wasn't it just 2 weeks earlier that these same people were telling "never get married, promise me that."? hmmmm. -confused

3. Gifts: Everyone loves to get a present, and as you check your gift registry online you get to see which one of your amazing picks have been approved by those you know. You feel validated that you arent' some crazy chick scanning tea pots for nothing -Other people appove. -yeah

4. Random Acts of Kindness: The printer that my father has used for years, who writes my name as GEENA -eeerrrr, wanted to give me my invitation inserts as a wedding gift. Very nice, now if she could just figure out my name is Genna not GEENA....

You Might Have Some Advice To Give On How To Be Insensitive.

Oh you probably won't remember me

It's probably ancient history

I'm one of the chosen few

Who went ahead and fell for you

I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch

I Fell too fast, I feel too much

I thought that you might have some advice to give on

How to be insensitive

-Jane Arden -Insensitive Lyrics

I don't want to name names. Not that anyone reads these posts, but I just can't write them down. When God brings enormous grief on a person, a family, how does one muddle through? You take it as God's Will. But what happens when God makes a person make a choice that isn't natural to make. A choice that isn't "right". What does one do? How do you live 1st with the grief and then with the decision you've made? I just don't know.

I guess God has a plan, and it isn't for me to analyze, but someone I know is in pain, deep true pain, and I can't help or reach them. The one that can is far away, off in never-never land, and doesn't seem to understand the enormity of the situation. Of what she faces. Which is fine, everyone grieves in their own way. But don't take away someone else's process. Don't infringe on their grieving rights. Don't throw a party, while someone is crying. Don't be so fucking insensitive.

If you don't care about her, you should still care about the other little one. The one that needs you. The one that doesn't know you -yet. Frankly, I'm glad that he will never learn how insensitive you really are. I'm glad that he will never have to know how, you let them down, let them cry alone on the bedroom floor. How you big you let them down in their time of need, in their time of grief. I'm glad that he will never have to know the man that didn't think twice about them when the Ohio State game was on. Truly, they both deserve better.

How do you numb your skin, after the warmest touch?

How do you slow your blood, after the body rush?

How do you free your soul, after you've found a friend?

How do you teach your heart it's a crime to fall in love again?

-Jane Arden -Insensitive Lyrics